Nomadic Nurse Diaries

Dear “Where the Hell Did My Spark Go?”

I’ve been feeling off lately—like, really off. Being a travel nurse has always been a mixed bag of emotions, but this current assignment? It’s throwing me for a loop in ways I didn’t expect. There are days when I genuinely enjoy the work, where I think, Okay, I can do this. I can make this place work. And then there are days where I find myself absolutely hating it. The problem? The staff.

They’re not bad people—don’t get me wrong. No one’s mean or overtly problematic. It’s just that we’re not clicking, and it’s messing with my entire vibe. You know that feeling when you’re working with people, and you just… connect? When the inside jokes flow, and you don’t have to second-guess how you’re being perceived? I don’t have that here. And it’s messing with me more than I’d like to admit.

I’m really starting to miss Salt Lake City. Not just the city itself, but the people. My people. I had the best coworkers back home—like actual friends. We’d hang out after shifts, complain about our jobs in a way that made it fun, and lift each other up on those hard days. I felt so understood there, so respected. My bosses were supportive, my coworkers had my back, and I never had to question where I stood. Here? It’s a different story.

I think the hardest part of this assignment is feeling like a stranger in my own workplace. Everyone’s friendly enough, but I can’t seem to break through that initial barrier with them. It’s not like back home where I could throw out a sarcastic comment and get five back. Here, it feels like everything I say lands with a thud, or worse, with silence. And yeah, I know I’m the new one, the outsider of sorts, but it’s hard not to feel lonely when you’re the one person who doesn’t quite fit into the social puzzle.

It doesn’t help that I’m not the type of person who opens up easily. It takes me forever to really let people in, and I’m realizing that’s making things even harder. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be one of the crew. But nope, that’s not how I’m wired. I’ve always been a slow burn—someone who needs time to build connections. And while that worked in Salt Lake, where I had the time to grow close to people, in these short-term assignments, I’m struggling to bridge that gap.

It’s tough. I find myself questioning whether I should even be here. I wanted adventure, I wanted to see new places, but I didn’t realize how much I’d miss that sense of belonging. I miss feeling like I’m good at my job because of the people around me. Here, I’m still a good nurse, but I feel like I’m operating in a vacuum—like no one notices or cares how hard I’m working.

On the flip side, I know I can’t base my experience entirely on my social connections. The job itself is fine, even rewarding at times. The patients are interesting, the work challenging in the right ways. But without that camaraderie, the ups and downs feel more extreme. It’s like I’m either on top of the world or drowning, with very little in between.

I keep telling myself that it takes time. That not every assignment is going to feel like home, and that’s okay. But part of me feels like I’m waiting for something that might not come—at least not here. And that’s frustrating because I want to feel good about this. I want to look back on this job and think, “Yeah, I made it work.” But right now? I’m not sure if I will.

I don’t know where I’ll go from here. Maybe I’ll push through and see if things get better with time. Maybe I’ll stick it out long enough to finally break through with the staff and find my place among them. Or maybe I’ll just count the days until this assignment ends and start fresh somewhere else.

But one thing I know for sure? I miss my friends. I miss being surrounded by people who get me, who see me. And I miss the version of myself that comes out when I’m with them—the confident, funny, capable me who feels like she belongs. I know that version of me is still in here somewhere. I just have to find her again.

Until next time,
Your Lost-but-Hoping-to-Find-Herself Nomadic Nurse