Nomadic Nurse Diaries

Dear Diary of Narcissistic Nightmares,

Ever had a patient who’s so disconnected from reality that every single thing happening in the world is somehow a conspiracy against him? Well, meet my new favorite inmate: medically unofficial, but close-enough-to-crazy narcissist extraordinaire.

Let’s be clear—he’s not just your garden-variety difficult. We’re talking next-level delusion here. This guy is so convinced that the universe revolves around him that every inconvenience must be a personal affront. And when I say he’s a textbook narcissist, I’m talking a full anthology. Why is he in prison you ask? Without saying too much, he’s a woman abuser. But don’t worry, folks, because in his words, he “only slapped her.” Right. Because in his world, the facts conveniently shape themselves around his version of reality.

Anyway, he needed a patch that apparently he couldn’t apply himself because either his opposable thumbs no longer function or his arms are painted on. Which is to blame? Jury is still out on that one.

So yeah… I put the patch on, no nonsense. He actually thanked me afterward, which I’m sure took every ounce of his microscopic willpower. He also learned my name—likely so he can file a complaint or “accidentally” use it for some kind of power play later. Narcissists, they just love a name to latch onto.

A little while later, I had to pass by his cell, and—big surprise—he had a few choice words about the other nurses and providers. I didn’t give him anything, no reaction, just nodded along, gave him a few minutes to feel in control. Because that’s what it’s about for him: control. Every little interaction has to prove he’s top dog. But honestly? He’s a tiny man, in every sense. Small in stature, even smaller in soul.

Should be a real treat dealing with him long-term. Yay for prison nursing!

Counting down the days until I meet his next personality quirk.