Nomadic Nurse Diaries

Dear Diary,

Do you ever look back and wonder what life would be like if you had just made a different choice? Well, that’s me today, reflecting on my decision to abandon social media. I’ve been living a life free of Instagram filters, Facebook notifications, and the never-ending scroll of Twitter for nearly four years. And let me tell you, it’s been a journey. But before you get too impressed, let’s rewind to the reasons why I ditched it all in the first place.

At the time, I was spending more hours on social media than I care to admit. Picture this: five hours a day. FIVE. HOURS. If I had devoted that time to learning a new language, I’d probably be fluent in Klingon by now. Instead, I was mindlessly double-tapping photos of avocado toast and scrolling through endless streams of memes. It was bad, like rewatching an entire season of a show in one sitting kind of bad. And what did I get out of it? Anxiety. Pure, unadulterated anxiety.

Social media had me feeling insecure about myself and the friendships I had. I’d see posts of friends hanging out without me and spiral into a pit of self-doubt. Was I the only one who felt this way? It was like my brain was hosting its own little anxiety party, and I was the guest of honor. The kicker? This feeling was entirely fictitious, a narrative I had constructed all on my own.

But then I made the leap. I deleted my social media accounts and waited for the world to implode. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. In fact, not having social media eliminated a ton of stress and anxiety. No more worrying about whether people would notice if I didn’t like or comment on their posts. No more little voice in my head whispering that someone might be offended by my lack of digital engagement. Honestly, it felt like I’d finally quieted down a very annoying roommate.

One of the biggest revelations came from how I viewed relationships without social media. Was it possible that relationships could be stronger without it? I think so. Social media makes it way too easy to acknowledge but then subsequently dismiss major life events. A friend gets engaged? Quick like. Cousin graduates? Heart emoji. But how often do people actually follow up with a text or call to really talk about what’s going on? Without social media, I’ve found myself reaching out more intentionally, albeit not perfectly.

Now, let’s talk about regrets, because I have a couple of big ones. The first involves my cousin’s cancer diagnosis. When I heard the news, I was devastated. I was in tears, in denial, and asking my mom to repeat their name because it just didn’t register. This was the cousin I arguably care the most about on that side of the family. But I didn’t reach out. I didn’t send a simple “how are you doing?” text. In hindsight, that would have been sufficient. But at the moment, it felt off because it had been well over six months into their battle. I thought such a simple text would come across as self-serving since I had literally never talked to them before then.

Writing this out, I realize I was trying to be intentional with reaching out. I wanted to talk to them about their cancer, but I was afraid a text would make them feel obligated to talk about it. But now I see that I was putting WAY too much weight on a stupid text. This is still a massive regret of mine. I’d imagine they felt isolated at times, and any contact with loved ones would have been welcomed, even if it was just a short message.

The second big regret is not talking to my cousin after they beat cancer. Again, I hesitated. What would a random text mean to them? Did they need to hear from me? I convinced myself they didn’t. I hadn’t been in any contact with them for years up to that point. But thinking about it now, any acknowledgment from a loved one, even a distant one, could mean something significant.

So, here I am, living a social media-free life, trying to navigate relationships in a world that thrives on digital connection. It’s not perfect, and I still have a lot to learn. But I’m trying. And maybe that’s enough.

For anyone out there struggling with similar regrets, just know you’re not alone. We’re all fumbling through this life, trying to make the best decisions we can. And if you’ve been contemplating reaching out to someone, just do it. Even if it’s just a simple text. It might mean more to them than you could ever imagine.

Until next time,

The Nomadic Nurse

P.S. To my dear cousin, if you ever read this, I’m sorry. Truly. And I hope you know how much you mean to me. 🥰

Also P.S…. I’m still dead serious about that trip to the Netherlands with you!